Inerrant Rampancy

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‘Tis the Season

…For a re-commitment to your craft.

It’s the Holiday Season, as you may have noticed, and there are a plenty of things to keep a person busy this time of year. We’ve got Christmas, Channhhuukkaahh, New Year’s, the other various Family Gatherings (i.e. your sister’s holiday violin recital, that annual AIDS test) to keep you firmly engaged from now until school starts up next semester or until you’re back in your cubicle enjoying the “real world” and wasting time on Facebook (you know who you are).

But as a writer I’ve got another burden to bear this time of year: I’m supposed to spend time writing/reading. It’s almost a requirement in that I’ve been told by my professor and fellow academics alike to spend this vacation “working on your craft” as though it’s what I do now. I mean, it kind of is what I do know, in that I’m in grad school and not doing anything else, but come on! It’s not like I spend all my free time writing and reading. I play a lot of guitar, watch House, waste time on Facebook (mostly checking to see if you’re on there…yes YOU; don’t you have a job?), masturbate almost constantly…the essentials to a happy existence, if you ask me.

I occasionally write, when I’m feeling particularly inspired, have been drinking, or feel bad for not posting to the blog in a while (like now), but for the most part the works come few and far between. I do read  more than most people, but that only means that the imperative to read over break is moot; I’m gonna do it anyway.

So how to convince myself to write? Well, there’s always the resolution route; I could tell myself that my New Year’s Resolution is to write more, but that wouldn’t kick in until after the 1st and I’ve never been very good at resolutions anyway. A list of previous resolutions: 1. stop smoking, 2. stop drinking, 3. cut down the swearing, 4. be nicer to people (honestly I don’t know why I even bothered making that one), 5. tolerance. Number of resolutions achieved? Zero.

So making writing a resolution is not only a recipe for failure, it might even make me write less; I’m pretty sure that I drink, smoke, swear, and condescend more than I ever did. Other options? Well,  I’ve compiled a few clever tricks to make sure that I write as often as possible. Some aren’t terribly inspired (I’m almost positive everybody does #1) but I think that if I can implement a few of them I might just get something written over break.

1. Carry a notebook (duh).

2. Carry a laptop (slightly more cumbersome than a notebook, this may force me to justify carrying it by using it. Then again, I may just use it to waste time on Facebook (like someone else I know).)

3. Wire my door lock to the computer so that I have to open and modify a Word document in order to unlock my door (though this may just cause me to come up with clever computer tricks to get past the lock, improving my computing skills but not really helping the writing).

4. Hire a professor to grade my daily required writings (this costs money though, and I’m not sure I want someone judging things I’ve written after a night of binge egg-nog drinking).

5. Start/Join a writing group at home (this is the most plausible solution, but then I’d have to read other people’s writings, something I’ve never been terribly good at. “Sorry Mom, but I find your style to be purile and amateurish, almost completely devoid of meaningful imagery and hung on an impossible to follow plot that sounds like it came out of an episode of Teletubbies. So what’s for dinner?”).

Hopefully I’ll figure something out in order to inspire me to write. If not, at the very least I’ve got a book list that’s about as long as my leg to try and take a chunk out of. Thank you Borders Gift Cards!

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December 16, 2008 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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